80+ Short Dad Jokes You’ve Never Heard Before

Dad jokes are a special kind of humor—clean, cheesy, and absolutely timeless. But let’s face it, most of us have heard the same ones over and over. That’s why we created this list of short dad jokes you’ve never heard before! These fresh one-liners are perfect for texting a friend, spicing up a party, or dropping a quick laugh during awkward silences.

Get ready to laugh, groan, and then laugh again. These jokes may be short, but they pack a powerful punchline.

Why You’ll Love These Short Dad Jokes

• Super Short: One-liners you can say in 5 seconds or less
• Family-Friendly: Great for all ages—no cringing, just chuckles
• Totally Fresh: You’ve never heard most of these before
• Perfect for Sharing: Use in texts, cards, speeches, or social posts

80+ Short Dad Jokes You’ve Never Heard Before

🔥 All-New Short Dad Jokes You’ve Never Heard

1. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
2. I invented a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
3. I used to play piano by ear—now I use my hands.
4. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
5. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine—he woke up.
6. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
7. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
8. I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Good thing it was a soft drink.
9. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
10. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
11. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
12. I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
13. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
14. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
15. I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
16. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
17. Don’t trust atoms—they make up everything.
18. I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
19. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
20. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
21. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
22. The guy who invented Lifesavers made a mint.
23. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
24. I once had a job as a human cannonball… but I got fired.
25. I used to hate facial hair—but then it grew on me.

Also Read: Birthday Dad Jokes for Adults

👔 Work and Office Dad Jokes

26. I asked my boss for a raise. He said, “This is a non-profit company—like your work.”
27. My job is secure. No one else wants it.
28. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
29. My performance review was just a shrug emoji.
30. I don’t work on my birthday. I celebrate myself professionally.
31. I called in sick, but my boss saw me at the store. I told him I had a checkout condition.
32. I asked for flexible hours. So now I work in my pajamas.
33. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field.
34. My work motto: “If you don’t succeed, redefine success.”
35. I tried being a banker once but lost interest.
36. I told my coworker I was going to lunch. He said, “Again?”
37. The best part of my job? Leaving it.
38. My job requires 110% effort. I give 11% every day.
39. I wanted to become a historian—but there was no future in it.
40. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted a paycheck.

🐾 Animal-Themed One-Liners (41–55)

41. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
42. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
43. I saw a cow doing the moonwalk. It was legen-dairy.
44. My dog can do magic tricks—he’s a labracadabrador.
45. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
46. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
47. I named my cat “5 Miles” so I can say I walk 5 miles every day.
48. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
49. My pet snail is fast—it’s just shy.
50. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
51. Bees always have sticky hair. They use honeycombs.
52. I had a pet snake. He was a hiss-terical friend.
53. My goldfish joined a rock band. He’s a bass guitarist.
54. My parrot doesn’t repeat—it fact-checks.
55. I saw a turtle do stand-up. His timing was slow but steady.

Also Read: Deer Blind Dad Jokes

💬 Super Short Textable Jokes

56. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
57. I used to be indecisive—but now I’m not sure.
58. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.
59. I’m not lazy—I’m on energy-saving mode.
60. I called my phone. It was on silent. Rude.
61. I do all my own stunts—just unintentionally.
62. I put my root beer in a square cup. Now it’s just beer.
63. I only drink on two occasions—when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
64. I washed my pillowcase. My dreams were much cleaner.
65. I asked my GPS for directions to adulthood. It froze.
66. I stepped on a cornflake. Now I’m officially a cereal killer.
67. My mood ring is stuck on “meh.”
68. I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes ever.
69. I have a joke about construction—but I’m still working on it.
70. I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

🧠 Classic Yet Rare Gems

71. The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
72. I used to be addicted to soap—but now I’m clean.
73. I told my computer I needed a break—and now it won’t stop buffering.
74. I only buy calendars at the end of the year. They’re so last-minute.
75. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
76. My alarm clock and I had a fight. It lost.
77. Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits.
78. My flashlight broke. I was delighted.
79. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology—don’t read it.
80. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

Conclusion

You’ve just explored 80+ short dad jokes you’ve probably never heard—and we hope you’re leaving with a smile (or at least a groan). Bookmark this list, share it with friends, and come back for more giggle-worthy moments.